secrets burn my eyes
bursting my bubbles of dreams
your lies are revealed
Prompt words: Secret & Burn
I drink in your lies
Swallowing them with pain
The longer I stay with you
The more I feel insane
My words do not matter
They fall to the floor in waste
I stand before you trembling
Waiting, in timid haste
I want you to love me
Like I loved you in the start
But you continue to stab
Every damn bit of my heart
But I don’t really quit
And I continue to wait
For I hope and I dream
That maybe, just maybe…
it is not too late
For all those who lived a one-sided love at one point in their lives.
Think about the first time you felt love. No, not the first time you ate pizza and thought there was no more magical food. Not that kind of love. But rather when you looked at another person romantically and thought, they were perfect. Aaaaahhhh, yes, that feeling. Remember it?
It’s the feeling of hope, joy, pleasure, and kindness all wrapped together. It’s the feeling that makes you want to stare at them, kiss them, and just BE with them. You listen to their every word and discover they are fascinating. You want to give them gifts or do little things, silly things, just to make them smile. Soon their happiness outweighs your own. That’s when you realize it, you are in love.
Love, sweet love is the subject of countless songs, books, movies, poems, Pintrest boards and heck, even coffee mug messages. Love motivates us to act. Loves gives us patience. Love is all most humans ever really want in the end. So its power is understandable. Its power is even declared in the Bible for goodness sake.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor. 13:13)
This tremendously powerful feeling can inspire us humans to do nearly anything. When we have love, we feel complete, invincible and true happiness. The problem is, sometimes the other person does not feel the same way. Sometimes we fall so deeply in love with someone, and then it ends…or frankly, was never in there in the first place.
When this happens, no matter if it’s our first love or some other attempt, our hearts are broken. Our pure innocent hearts of love are shattered. And our spirits are devastated. And a little piece of us crumbles.
This is when our goggles of love drop to the floor. Our eyes are opened. Maybe we see the other person better now. Maybe we realize their habit of texting 72 times a day is not cute but rather clingy and shows their insecurity and need for control. Maybe we realize the novelty of their Comicon obsession is not fun but rather sad since they are a 32-year-old without a job and seem to have no intention of getting one. Or, maybe the lack of love goggles reveal something about ourselves, which can be an even more harsh reality.
Whatever the case, the loss of love scars us. It shatters our innocence and casts a darker image on the world. In our pain and mourning, we look at the world differently. The once glorious and wonderful world fades away to a more cynical and gloomy place. We cannot dare trust another jerk with our heart. We cannot waste our time on another loser. Or even worse, we cannot dare risk another chance at loving someone because we believe we are not worthy of happiness. After all, no one can seem to love us. Therefore, there must be something wrong with us.
This is a temporary pain though (hopefully). As we lick our wounds and hibernate away, the world continues. So eventually, we have to make a decision: to join the world again or continue to hide. It can be hard to look at the world with glee in our hearts after it is broken. The world looks like a more dangerous place now and we are not as innocent about love as we were the time before. But we cannot let our failure at love ruin our futures.
After some time, we have to try again. So we gather our courage, and the pieces of our hearts, and we take a risk, and then another. Sure, we may not be as innocent as the time before, but we realize, it is worth the effort – that WE are worth the effort.
…and, in the end, we all hope to fall in love again. Don’t we?
She stood alone on the deck, watching the waves roll and swell. The cold wind blew in gusts, but she remained still. The wind was not as cold as her heart, so she ignored it. The last time she saw the ocean, life was different, better, and warmer, and that was just last year.
She remembered him with a smile. Like the storm, he blew into her life suddenly. But she had welcomed the disruption. She couldn’t fight it, even if she had wanted to. He was charming, brave, and noble. He made her laugh. And oh, those eyes of his had made her weak in the knees. After their first blind date, she was hooked. He was her person, and even better, she was his.
The whirlwind romance took off quickly. Some said, maybe too quickly. Karen and Matt never thought that though. They were hungry for time together, each other. That became obvious to their friends and the “too fast-too soon” worries faded away. And after a couple of months, their friends couldn’t even remember Karen and Matt being single. They seemed to be made for each other, a perfect match.
Karen sighed as she recalled Matt, his touch, his laugh, his kiss. He had a way of calming her when no one else could. And he’d make her laugh till her stomach hurt. She ran her hand across her stomach and smiled. “Oh Matt, you’d be laughing now. I wish you were here,” she whispered to the wind.
He was supposed to be here, on this cruise with her. It was going to be their one-year dating anniversary celebration. Now, everything was different. The happy trajectory of her life had stopped immediately when a bullet ripped through Matt’s body while he was on patrol. Her worst nightmare had come true that day, and part of her died when she saw his fellow officers walk towards her with their somber faces. “Karen, we are so sorry….Matt was killed….in the line of duty…” It was a memory like no other, one that would not go away. The scene was burned into her head and froze her in place, like it did now.
“Are you OK sweetheart? Can I help get back inside? This storm looks like it’s getting nasty,” said a fellow cruise ship passenger.
Karen looked up to find an older woman with a kind face staring at her. “Um, no. I am fine.”
The lady smiled and nodded. “Well, do you need an ear? I couldn’t help but notice your crying my dear. Cruise ships are not normally a place for tears, so I thought I’d see if you needed something.”
Karen reached up and wiped the tears from her face. “I didn’t even notice I was crying. Sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks I guess.”
“I understand. I’ve had those kind of tears myself. They never leave you, but they do get easier in time.”
Karen took a deep breath and tried to smile.
Then, the two women stood in silence for a few minutes, just staring at the storm as they held onto the deck railing.
Finally, the kind woman looked at Karen. “When are you due dear?”
Karen looked down at her barely bulging belly and caressed it. “In January. I’m about four months now, is it that obvious?”
“It is to a woman who knows that look. I work in a women’s clinic. But to others my dear, I am sure they haven’t even noticed since you look fabulous.”
Karen smiled weakly. “Thanks. But I guess it’s time I let my family know. I’ve just been waiting for a better time.”
“And when would that be?”
“I thought it was about two months ago, but that’s when my soulmate, Matt, was killed. He was a police officer, and someone ambushed him…now, he’s gone…and I’m here on our cruise…alone.” She looked down at her belly and laid her hand on it. “Well, sort of alone.”
“I see. That explains the memories streaking your face. I thought I had recognized that look too. You see, my Frank was stolen from me too. Not the same way, of course. He was in a car accident. Three years ago. I miss him every day, every second, and I thought I recognized that pain.”
Karen looked the woman in the eye. “Does it ever go away?
“I wish it did sweetie, but no. But, you can find a new normal, in time. And, what a blessing he left with you,” she gestured to her belly.
“Yes, indeed. I just wish…I had been able…to tell him…He died the day I was going to tell him…I waited too long,” Karen struggle to get out through breaths.
Just then, a big wind gust created a small shower of flower petals from a nearby plant and thrust open the double doors across the deck. The woman and Karen looked at each other and smiled.
“I’m thinking your Matt knows my dear, and just might want you to get out of this storm.”
Karen looked around, like she finally realized the storm’s presence.
“Oh. Yeah. I guess you’re right.”
The woman held out her hand. “Come. Let’s get a cup of coffee. You can tell me how you met Matt and I can tell you how I met Frank. It was really romantic too.”
“I can’t wait to hear it,” Karen said as she walked toward the kind stranger and out of the storm.
You had me underrated
Your intentions, I over estimated
Your words were nothing but elaborate lies
and you left me standing, wondering why
I was blind and broke all my own rules
and fell into your web, like a fool
I hate that I melted to fit your needs
and somewhere in that, I lost the real me
But you’re now gone and I’ve learned to survive
In fact, I’m actually starting to really thrive
….Maybe it was you who held me down
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