May your day be all that you want:)
May your day be all that you want:)
The day after today,
Is always far away.
Never is it here.
The unknown, I fear.
Will I feel love’s spark?
Will I leave my mark?
I hope there is more,
Than what is at my door.
For all I see is bleak,
Leaving me sad and so weak.
I wonder why I try,
When all I hear is a lie.
Is no one honest and true?
Is there nothing we can do:
To make people really live?
To make them want to give?
To bring peace in the land?
To unite and make a stand?
For if we all stopped the fight,
And just did what was right,
The world just might be,
More than we can see.
Kindness, hope and creativity
Would cancel out negativity.
If we all stopped the goal of being right,
We just may find a better sight.
For today, I thought I would do Cee’s Share Your World Challenge, which is to make some lists about your life from her topics ideas. So here goes. This is my life, this week anyway.
Movies that cheer me up:
Dances With Wolves
This movie is so beautifully done. It makes me embarrassed to think how the government treated the Indian nation though. I am not a history buff, but I assume there is some resemblance to history in this movie. And if so, those truths are very sad. I like to think that Kevin Costner’s character represents the good (maybe fewer in numbers) who tried to be fair and kind though. His character shows what good can be and how hard it is to do when it is not the “norm” of the times.
Oh, this movie makes be believe in true love, romance and destiny. [Insert deep sighs here.]
One of the most romantic and dramatic versions of Cinderella. I adore Drew Barrymore and this movie makes me cry and laugh every time. This also makes me wish there was some knight on a horse to come save me. [Insert a bigger deep sigh here.]
Fox and the Hound
My all-time favorite cartoon classic. It has friendship, drama and action. I cried. I laughed. I wanted to be the fox and have a hound friend. No matter how old I get, I will smile every time I see this. Never fail.
Stuff that makes me laugh:
Sarcasm, lots of sarcasm
My dog’s faces and noises
Listening to people’s excuses for missing work
Rude but true eCards on Facebook
Books I want to read:
I actually have a wish list of books that I have read reviews of, heard friends speak of, or came across that looked good. Slowly, I will get to them.
(Currently want to finish reading) The Kingmaker’s Daughter by Philippa Gregory and then the sequels to this Cousins War Series (The White Princess, The King’s Curse)
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
Love Story by Erich Segal
The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf
Recent Favorite Songs:
Baby I’m Worth It by Fifth Harmony (Makes me want to start dancing, lol, and could be a picky dater theme song.)
Assassins Creed by Lindsey Stirling (All of her music is amazing to me. So powerful.)
Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood (Just love the beat and the lyrics. Makes me want to sing this to all the people who went out of their way to hurt me. And the video is pretty fun to watch too.)
Sail by AWOLNATION (I just love this beat. Never watched the video till now. Kind of made me think about the actual lyrics. Adds a new layer to my interest now.)
Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?
This last week I was grateful for freedom. Over the Memorial Day weekend, I had the complete freedom to do whatever I wanted. So I kayaked, rode my horse and bike, took pictures, slept in, cooked out, blogged, and house hunted. Years ago, I used to make plans but they were always usurped by family members who had things for me to do. (Some of genuine need but some not.) I have also spent many a day either deployed or at some military training school/event. So, being home and free to do whatever I desired is greatly appreciated when I get it.
As for what I am looking forward to…Well, I need to look for a house since my landlord informed me that she would like hers back. Therefore, I have found a few places that look interesting and I will be going to see them. I also met a gentlemen over the Memorial Day weekend. We exchanged numbers after crossing paths the second time in a few days, and a potential lunch date was thrown out. So…guess we will see what happens with those things. The future could have lots of excitement 🙂
My schedule has been completely off for the last month. It has been crazy busy with my two jobs and trying to squeeze in blogging and fun. To many, I may look like a super-organized, fun person. Sure, that may be part of the case, but I also know me. When something is bothering me, I am more active. When I want to avoid something, I am extremely productive.
There is nothing major wrong in my life. Frankly, I am quite happy most days. I have a wonderful family and amazing friends. I am blessed with two jobs. (No, neither one of them is my dream job per say, but they will do for now.) I am working out more and eating healthier, so I feel fit and energized. I fill my time with things that I am passionate about: reading, writing, horseback riding, photography, and being outside. I actually feel like my life is just beginning in many ways. I spent years of my life in an unhappy marriage and in the middle of that, a few years being deployed. I learned to embrace solitude. I learned to depend on myself. I learned how to cope with stress.
So now, here I am in the midst of the most beautiful time of my life and something is off. I can feel it, but I don’t know what it is…
Fast forward now. It was nearly two months ago when I wrote the above paragraphs in a draft post. Things have gotten even more hectic and busy. But I am still here and still busy. I am still stressed. but smiling. Now that some time has passed, I wonder, have things been off? Or, is it just that things are new? Different? Headed in a direction where they should be going? Change is hard.
I read somewhere once (and I can’t recall where-sorry, as I do like to attribute) that writers tinker with madness. Though I have written for the military for years, I am still hesitant to call myself a writer. I have published articles for my job, but I feel like I haven’t written anything worthy of the title writer. In some ways, that is why I started this blog. I had so many thoughts, phrases and stories in my head. I would lay there thinking of these, but they never went anywhere. I was afraid to write. Feared rejection. Scared to try. So I did nothing.
Now, I don’t care as much. I am not nearly as afraid. Perhaps its the wisdom of age. I mean, what can rejection do to me at this point in my life? How can it hurt me? Perhaps its the realization of age. I have wasted enough time in my life putting off who and what I am. I muted my personality and desires to make others happy. I can’t do that anymore, nor do I want to. Perhaps its the fact that I have been deployed a few times. I have seen poverty and hopelessness. I know how lucky I have it. And that knowledge urges me to seize my opportunities, not complain (as much) and live life with a passion.
No longer can I sit and wait and say, soon I will do it. My soon is now. Who knows how many tomorrows I have? And, if I don’t start taking steps to make my dreams into actual goals, they will always be just that – dreams. So one day at a time, I will try to take steps towards the me I am supposed to be, the life I am meant to live. I will be passionate. I will not be afraid to try. And when I fail at some things (which is inevitable), I will try again another way with a smile on my face. Now, whether I am on the brink of madness or the edge of greatness…I guess we will see in time:)
I think of your kiss,
Softly on my neck at night.
My hand reaches out.
I find nothing there.
For a moment, I forgot.
I sigh with regret.
My heart won’t believe
That you are not here with me.
I ache for your touch.
I miss your whispers
As I fall asleep at night.
Like a lullaby.
Each night it’s the same.
I call for you in my sleep.
But you are not there.
Morning comes. I reach.
Feeling nothing but fresh sheets.
I turn and I cry.
Tears run down my face.
For part of my heart shattered
When you left this Earth.
For Ronovan Writes Haiku Challenge: Think and Fresh.
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