Who am I and Why am I Here?

Back in elementary school, I wrote my first two “books.” The assignment for a young author’s day was to complete an illustrated book. I could not choose between topics, so I wrote two. One book was about a girl with telekinesis and the other was about a flying horse. Now, some 30-plus years later, I still do not have a flying horse, super powers or any published books, so I figured; I may as well start chasing my dreams and begin writing.

I am not sure how I could spell telekinesis back then or how I even heard of it, but it (and flying horses) inspired me to begin to write and dream. Through writing, I was free and alive.

As the years passed, I continued to write short stories, journals and poems, but writing was never a full-time affair. It was always pushed the side for things like homework, cheerleading practice, boys and social events.

I completed my journalism degree, but it was on the extended 10-year plan due to a full-time retail job, a hard marriage and wonderful kids. Therefore, yet again, writing took a back seat to life with bills, children and responsibilities.

The only time writing took any kind of lead, was in my decision to join the military. After completing my journalism degree, I could not afford to take an entry-level job. In 2000, my journalism job offers were about $12,000 less than my retail management position. Taking that big of pay cut just to do what I wanted, would have been selfish and irresponsible. Consequently, I signed the dotted line. The way I saw it, joining the Army Reserve was one way for me to actually do any form of journalism and still pay the bills.

Nearly 14 years later, I am still a Soldier, a mom, and happily NOT working in retail nor in an unhappy marriage. Everything in life seems to be pulling me back to where I should have been long ago. I am finding the me that I lost in my 20s when I was trying to hold on to everything that was wrong for me. I suppose stubborn naive youth made me keep clinging to stuff that was slowly killing me (miserable jobs, despondent marriage, unhealthy habits, limited ‘me’ time).

Now older and wiser, I realize that life is short. I need to hurry up and do the things I want to do before I run out of time. I must stop making excuses to live because in doing so I am not really living anyway. I have to release the thoughts in my head as they never cease in bombarding my waking moments. I want to express the passion I feel and yet still crave to find. I should at least attempt the items on that unwritten bucket list so I have no regrets. I am obliged to show my kids that life will not wait for your situation to be perfect.

So ready or not, here I am, on a blog. Blogging is my path to find that little author inside of me. By writing more often, I hope to find my stories, and myself. Frankly, my topics on here will vary. I will write about whatever is on my mind. It may be a story from my past, a make-believe adventure in my head, or vent about a pet peeve. Along the way, I may entertain people or bore them into a blissful nap, but either way, I will not continue to be afraid to start nor make excuses on why I cannot. I will take each day to chase those dreams, and ultimately, find my life.

*This was my first assignment for Blogging 101. It seemed to be a bit harder to write on an assigned topic, but yet, made me realize why I chose the name for my blog in the first place. There’s irony for you.

I must write and here I go

I keep saying I am going to write and never do. Yet, all these words constantly bombard my head. The thoughts range from my family to my work or to my never-ending to-do list. Then the next moment, I might be thinking about something from a deployment or why the driver in front of me was ever given a license? (Seriously, who thinks crossing four lanes at 80 mph is a safe option!) Or if my mind is really wandering, I may think about the bucket list I need to create or the dramatic romance stories I say I will write (that will of course not reflect any real people, places or events in my life in order to protect the innocent). I wonder about religion, grammar rules, and why can’t I find the perfect Christmas cookie recipe to save my life?

At times, it is very loud and random in my head and I want it to stop. I embrace the quiet moments where I am just sitting and enjoying absolute silence. It is when I am at peace. But given a moment of quiet, while I sit and enjoy the world around me, I will notice how the light hits something and immediately start thinking of how that would make a great picture.

Yes, it is utterly exhausting in my head at times. So therefore, I must write. I may write about complete and utter nonsense that no one on the face of the earth will care to read, but frankly, I simply do not care. I need to write. I need to free these thoughts. (It is getting a bit crowded in my head with all this thinking going on.)

So here I go. Feel free to enjoy the journey. It may not make sense. It may not always be grammatically correct. Or it may not be interesting at all, but it’s a start – my start.