Looking for the sun

There were times in my life where I wanted to die. Funny thing was that these times didn’t come to me when I was deployed to foreign countries where stray mortars could have landed near me at any moment. No, they came when I was in the safety of my own country, surrounded by people I love……

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I turned off comments for this post as it was written especially for Sreejit Poole’s blog. Please visit his always inspiring blog. It is filled with countless thought provoking pieces.

Oh Laughter, Please Save Me

Posted by Nato

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge.

That myth is more potent than history.

That dreams are more powerful than facts.

That hope always triumphs over experience.

That laughter is the only cure for grief.

And I believe that love is stronger than death.

~Robert Fulghum~

This quote on laughter made me think of this poem about losing someone to death.

Like air, I crave you.

In my darkest of hours, you save me.

Pouring through my mind,

your melodies fill in the cracks

of my

broken

heart.

My soul weeps in loss.

I grieve so deeply,

I feel like

I am dead too.

But you sneak in,

behind my dark veil

and wet eyes

just when I am about to…

jump into a cavern

of endless grief.

You make me remember

her jokes,

her laugh,

the time she danced without a care.

I smile, even giggle.

She was ridiculous

and I loved her.

Hot tears stream

down my clammy face.

She is gone, and

Can

Nothing…

But laugh.

For if I don’t laugh at my memories

or what she would have thought

was funny now,

I too will be gone, like her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For Writer’s Quote Wednesday’s Theme ~ Laughter.

Shared Pain

Posted by Nato

Sara didn’t normally sit at bars, but life wasn’t normal anymore. So she took another drink.

The cool wine slide down her throat and held back the tears. Nothing would be the same anymore, and she didn’t really know how to go on. Mark was her life, her soul, her motivation. Without him, she was just a shell. Nothing really mattered, though she had been putting on a good show for friends and family. Everyone knew she was sad, but they saw her moving on with life. She went to work and the gym. She even managed to be social with friends on occasion. It is what everyone expected so she tried to ease their worries. Sara half thought that if she stayed busy, the pain would subside. But it didn’t. Instead, it grew with time.

It had almost been a year since Mark died, and she only felt more lost without him. There wasn’t a moment that didn’t go by where she didn’t think of him or yearn for him. Every night she cried. Every night she dreamt of his smile, his laugh, his touch. It was as if part of her heart had been ripped from her chest. How did someone recover from that? How could people live with half a heart?

Numbly, she motioned the bartender for another drink. As he brought it over, a lady two stools down caught her eye. She looked sad too, Sara noticed and thought, ‘I know that look. Maybe she could use a friend.’

As Sara grabbed her wine, she looked over and gently smiled at the lady. “How long has it been?”

The sad stranger paused, and rested her lifeless eyes on Sara. “Is it that obvious that I am mourning?”

“I recognize the look since I see it in the mirror every day,” Sara replied.

“Oh. It’s two months today. How ‘bout you?”

“Eleven months and two weeks.”

The stranger took a sip of her drink and after a long pause asked, “Does it get easier?”

“I wish I could say it does…but so far no.”

“So it’s like ticks and tocks of essential time, sink the spirits lower than wine?”

Sara looked into the grieving lady’s eyes and offered kind smile. “I have never thought of it that way, but yes. That is exactly it. Though, I am not sure if you will ever see that on a sympathy card.”

The sad stranger smiled ever so small, “Yeah, I suppose not. I guess I may as well drink then. Maybe it will help me forget some of that time.”

“I hear you. I’m on the same mission.”

Sara and the lady nodded to each other and sat, sipping their drinks, and soothing their pain. ‘At least one person understood me,’ thought Sara.

So they sat in comforting silence.

After a few minutes, Sara offered, “I know nothing I say will really matter as nothing did to me when everyone spoke. But, I will offer you this. I know what it’s like to be alone now and want people around, but yet don’t want them to speak. So, if you need a friend who gets that, just give me a call. We can hang out and not say a word.”

The lady looked up from her drink, with tears in her eyes. “I think I could used that. What are you doing Friday?”

Sara smiled. “I guess I will be sitting here.”

“Great. I think I could use that friend.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ticks and tocks of essential time, sink the spirits lower than wine.”

Include the above sentence somewhere in your work of fiction. (Required.)
Keep your word count at no more than 500 words this week. (Suggested.) Do NOT let your story suffer because of the word count limit. Remember, it is a suggested part of the prompt.

Hidden in the Dark

Posted by Nato

When I am gone, you’ll wonder why

Having no idea what’s inside

Cuz you never saw all my fears

And you never saw any tears I hid with lies

I smiled and acted-all was fine

Really, I was over the line

Darkness consumed all of my soul

Hiding from the world took its toll on all that’s mine

Never wanted to feel this gloom

Was like being stuck in a tomb

I looked for a way to the light

Didn’t want to die, tied to fight so I could bloom

I wanted to feel joy again

But the feeling would never end

You couldn’t help, I chose to die

I just had to give up the lie that I could mend

~~~~~~~~~~

For dVerse Poets Florette Challenge.

No worries readers, this is not a letter of intent.

It is merely a poem about the very real struggle some have with depression, and I am NOT recommending suicide. I have been through my own seasons of deep sadness and have known many who suffer from depression. I have also coped with loved ones/comrades attempting suicide. They do not chose their struggles and it is hard for some to find their way out.

If you are one of those suffering, please know you are not alone and it is OK to get help. Please get help. You are loved by more than you think. And, some of us really do understand your pain.