Why does your love hurt?


I sit and wonder how you are

We used to call, we used to write

We used to laugh and talk all night

 

When I met you, our embrace was real

I felt you, I saw you in those eyes

Now I sit alone and am not sure why

 

Are the words you said real

Am I wrong for how I feel

Can I not be your friend

Am I wrong for not wanting it to end

 

I want to help you

But you shut me out

And I am left alone

Trying to figure it out

 

Friends say I shouldn’t be sad

He wasn’t ready, just be glad

 

But they don’t know the you I saw

They didn’t experience the great fall

It was real

It was sweet

It was the world at my feet

 

But maybe I just wanted to see what you couldn’t give

Maybe I am not what will help you live

As a friend, I hope you find your way

And I hope you know I loved you today

 

I tried to help, I tried to care

But you left me feeling stupid and bare

So know I meant every word I said

And think about how you left me feeling dead

 

*These were my thoughts on love…after drinking.

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Where is my love?


Love. Everyone desires it. If they say they don’t, I would question if they are human. Love in the simplest terms is life. It is the reason for living and makes the world a better place. It illuminates your inner soul and makes you a better person. It puts a bounce in your step and a light in your eye. When you love someone, you want to do better and be better. You want to make their life better. People have done amazing things in the name of love.

I’ve often wondered why love is so difficult if it is so desirable. I suppose if I knew the answer, I would be wealthy and sought after for advice. If others knew, there would not be so many books and songs written on the topic. Apparently, trouble with love is common though. There are times when I hear a song that says exactly what I am feeling, and then I know I am not alone. (Perhaps if I could just meet the love-lost writer of the song, we could both be happy finally? I mean we are going through the same pain.)

The love I want appears to be the kind in fairytales. There is desire, respect, and friendship. It includes random dancing in the kitchen, driving down the road singing songs badly together, and enjoying complete silence together while watching a sunset. I want someone who loves me for who I am. He loves that I can go from the barn to the symphony in one day (and he will do those things with me). He doesn’t get jealous of my horse because he knows that’s my Zen moment. He laughs when I leave little notes in his truck. He actually listens to how I feel. He trusts me enough to tell me what is upsetting him (even if it is something I did). We talk to each other regularly. We cry on each other’s shoulders. We know the other’s dreams and support them. We randomly surprise each other with little things, like a favorite home-cooked meal or tickets to a favorite event (even though those things may not be our personal favorites).

This dream man of mine only wants me. He is confident enough to tell me that and shows me I am his and he is mine. He needs no other woman’s attention. He has his own hobbies and friends, and I have mine. We can both go do those hobbies and hang out with those friends individually – respecting that personal time and those friendships. We are not hurt by this time because we love each other enough to value that space and those friends. (Who doesn’t need that?) When he is gone, I don’t worry because I know he is mine and he will return. I know he can be faithful because he is happy and an honest, honorable man.

This ultimate man considers my feelings, and I his. We are a couple in every sense. We are friends, partners, and teammates. When one hurts, the other feels it and wants to protect and support. This is the love of movies, books and fairytales. It is not perfect, but it is real and enduring. He doesn’t quit me and I don’t quit him. This is the love I want. This is the love I need.

Will I ever know this love? Maybe. Maybe not. I may have already met him but he is not ready. I may have seen him and not known. He may be afraid to talk to me. We may even be friends right now and have not reached that point of in our relationship. Whatever the case, I will not stop believing in fairytales. He is out there. But, I guess I will not know what the future holds until I get there. I just hope it’s soon…like next week is good for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~

What makes my ‘love’ so fine?