The Texture of Life


My youngest child is about to graduate and move away to start college. Like most parents, I have mixed feelings. Of course, I am proud of him and excited that he is about to start this new chapter in his life. However, on the flip side, there is a sad mom that is scared and sad that her baby is leaving.

Being a mom has been the hardest and most wonderful role in my life. I adored my kids toddler days: their chubby little hands; their funny, never-ending questions; and their pure innocent and honest faces. Oh, how I miss those days.

Now, the teenage years were different. Their cute little hands were slamming doors, their questions were laced with attitudes and their faces had moments of downright guilt and contempt. Nonetheless, these stressful times were always smoothed over with laughter, hugs and discussion. Eventually. I had a front row seat to this self development. I witnessed, and experienced, thousands of little moments.

My memories with them are the glitter in mind. They make my past sparkle, even in my darkest of days. I laugh when I think about my four-year-old daughter pushing her newborn brother around in her baby doll stroller and watching her play mommy. Now, years later, she is still pushing him around, but in ways to motivate or uplift him.

I remember watching my little blond-headed boy sit up on his knees with such interest while watching the River Dance and asking him how he liked it afterwards. His little preschool answer was classic and still true to his character today: “The boy fight dance was cool. The girly dance was dumb.” Now, his favorite things are playing paintball and driving around in his car that has its own booming stereo and light show.

There are countless other stories to tell of course, as most parents can relate. Beautiful moments I will never forget and others that still bring tears to my eyes. I wish I could have protected my children from difficulty and sadness, but I know that is impossible. All these moments, good and bad, are part of life. And it’s all those little moments that we’ve shared that have woven the fabric of our lives. Like the best fabrics, a good life is rich in reality, according to Ralph Fienness.

” Little moments can have a feeling and a texture that is very real.”

~ Ralph Fiennes~

I couldn’t agree more. Some of best memories are so very simple, yet…they are the best and most powerful. Many have built upon each other as well, forming something unique and wonderful. Not that I would wish some of the same pains upon my children, but surviving those things has made them who they are

If I were to change their past, would they still be the same? It’s hard to say and an answer I will never get. So all I can do is appreciate the young adults they are, and pray for the people they will become.

I pray that these little babies of mine will continue to blossom. I pray that they can learn to live in the moment. I pray that they can really the magnificent details in life. I pray that they can embrace the glorious textures of experience for what they are.

Overall, I hope they find happiness and come to appreciate just how wonderful they are. Though they are different, I can’t help but find both of them equally terrific, my little blooms.

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For Sally D’s Mobile Photography Challenge ~ Black & White.

 

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Flowers in Black and White


The other day I bought myself flowers. I saw them. I liked them. And I thought, “These will be fun to photograph!” And what girl doesn’t like flowers?

As I started photographing my flowers, I thought about a former boyfriend. He always brought me flowers. It was just one of the many things he did that was sweet. The pleasant surprise of getting flowers for no reason always made my heart flutter. I felt special and loved. Unfortunately, as the relationship grew, I realized there were certain things missing. Just like these black and white images of the flowers I bought, the relationship was lacking color.

Yes, we both cared for each other deeply. Statements of love were even exchanged. But there was something in each of us that blocked the color from each other. No matter how hard we tried, we could not find the full beauty of each other. We could see all the elements of love: kindness, concern, friendship, and attraction just like you can see the flowers elements of beauty: petals, stems and pistils. However, we didn’t have the same goals or desires. And I found that I was starting to hold back my statements, goals and actions. I didn’t want to upset him. I didn’t want him to feel neglected. I was quickly fading. Our love was fading. We were still a functioning couple, but more and more we were becoming desaturated.

So I as I look at these black and white images of these flowers, I think they are pretty, but there is so much more. They are missing their passion, their personality, their punch. They are merely elegant replicas of the true flower. I find that they are very symbolic for how I felt near the end of that relationship. I was losing my color and passion, and what was left was a desaturated spirit…and I didn’t like it.

Needless to say, that relationship ended as it should have. I certainly hold nothing against the man either. He was a wonderful, loving man and I wish him well. We just needed different things and as our lives begin to intertwine, we discovered it was not right. I am a passionate person who lived too many years in black and white. I went through the motions. Everything looked pretty from the outside, but inside I had no color. So when that started to happen again, I knew I had to go. I cannot live in black white, regardless of how pretty it appears at times. No, I need full color, lots of passion, and sometimes over saturation. I do wonder though…is that too much for others to handle?

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For the phoneography challenge which is hosted by Lens and Pens by Sally. Click on the badge to go to Sally’s B&W post. She always has wonder pictures with inspiring words to accompany them. And, since she is a wonderful challenge hostess, she also lists the links to other bloggers’ submissions. So click on the badge and be inspired:)

iphone challenge

To see a few of the full color pictures of flowers, check out my quick Orange Challenge post. I just took some more pictures with my “real” camera though, so I will post those in a few days as well.