No Chance of Return

******Warning – Little dark and violent here.************


With trembling fingers I called for help. Rick lived close by, and I prayed he could help me before I wound up dead, or worse.

“God, please let him answer,” I whispered.

He picked up, “Hey Amy. When I said we needed to crunch the numbers immediately, I didn’t mean now. It can wait…”

“Rick! HELP ME please! He’s here somewhere and I think he drugged me. Oh my God. He’s coming, I know it!”

“What? Are you at your house?”

“Yes! Please hurry. I’m scared and can’t really walk. My head is spinning. I feel like I am going to faint.”

“I’m coming Amy. It will be OK.  I’m only a few blocks away. I was out running. Stay on the phone with me. Tell me what happened.”

“After taking a shower, I had a glass of wine from that basket you all left me.”

“We didn’t leave you any wine basket Amy.”

“I know THAT now! He left me a note. It was mixed in with the mail. He said he’d be here when I woke up from my wine nap. Oh my God. He must have poisoned it! He’s coming…here. I thought I lost him….I….can’t do this….not again. Oh God.” I started to hyperventilate and shake worse.

“I’m coming Amy. I won’t let him hurt you again. How the heck did he find you?”

….gasping for air…”I…don’t know. I thought…I did everything to cover my tracks.”

“Amy listen to me! You need to calm down. If you are right, he will be there soon.”

I managed to stammer, in between sobs and dramatic inhales of ragged breath, “Rick, I’m scared. I can’t…I don’t know what to do…my legs won’t really move.”

“Amy! Stop! Take a breath. I am on my way, but I need you to grab something to protect yourself with. Can you walk?”

My legs were tingling and uncooperative. My head was spinning. Everything was getting fuzzy. “No! Oh my God no!”

“Then grab something near you. Anything that could cut him.”

I looked around the kitchen, the counter. All I could see and reach was the mail and the wine opener. Unless I wanted to paper cut the sick bastard to death, the wine opener was it, my weapon. I grabbed it with trebling fingers. “I have a wine opener.”

“OK. Now crawl into a closet if you can and be quiet. I am only a few minutes away. The code is the same right? ”

“Yes…Right. OK. Um…yes, it’s the…” I stopped mid sentence. I thought I heard something. I froze everything, even my breath. I listened hard and heard nothing. Then, I slowly and quietly drug my numb body over to the pantry, across the cold tile floor. “I think he’s here. I thought I heard something.”

“Fuck! I am almost there. Amy! Don’t give up now. I am coming. Fight Amy. Fight, if you need to. Have you called the cops?”

I was whispering now. “I’m in the pantry now. I don’t hear anything now. Maybe I was wrong. I’m not sure…um, no, I called you first since police couldn’t help me much in the three years of him stalking me.””

“Just stay there and wait for me. I’m calling the police too Amy,” Rick panted.

Then, I heard HIS footsteps, and my stalker’s voice cut through my hope like knife.

“Honey, I’m home… What’s for dinner my love?…..Are you hiding my dear? Oh, your such a playful kitten.”

All my breath stopped. I was frozen in fear. My mind raced over the three years where he stalked me relentlessly. He sent me “presents.” He called constantly. I asked him to stop and it just got worse. I remembered his nails digging into my arms. I could still hear his rage as he whispered threats into my ears. I got a restraining order that was of no help. His “affection”only  increased and got more intense the harder I avoided him. However, the last straw for me was when he had drugged me and videotaped me sleeping  in my own home. And on the tape, he promised another visit when I was awake so he could “love me hard like I deserved.” That was when I moved. No, that was when I ran away from my life, changing everything I was. Now, I was a new woman in a new place with a new look and a new job. I even had a new name.

None of that mattered though. Here he was anyway. He found me. And now, I would pay for running away from him.

“Amy? Are you there? Are you OK?” Rick called out over the phone.

I didn’t answer. I was afraid to move. Afraid to breathe.

“Amy?…Oh, God. Hang on. I am almost there!” Rick promised.

I could here HIM creeping around the kitchen, whistling and humming.

“Oh my darling. We are together at last. I am sorry it took so long for me to find you,” he sung. “I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again, but you will need to be punished some for hiding. You naughty little kitten.”

I trembled on the floor in the pantry. A tear ran down my cheek slowly. My nightmare was here…but I was awake. Dear God, please give me the strength. Please make Rick get here quick, I thought.

Just then, the pantry door flung open. And there before me stood a demon looking down on me with hungry eyes.

“Oh Amy my love. Why are you hiding from me? After all we’ve been through darling,” he sighed. “I was hoping you would be a good girl. But that’s OK. I’m starting to think you WANT to be punished my little kitten.”

I said nothing. My head was fuzzy from whatever the hell he put in the wine. And I was afraid to enrage him more, so I sat, even tried to smile. It must have looked as insane as he was.

He grabbed my legs and slid me out of the pantry darkness. “Come my darling. I have a surprise for you.” As he pulled me, I had tucked my phone into the pocket of my robe with one hand and put the wine opener into my other palm, clenching my fingers around the metal spiral, which I tucked under my robe that was draped over my leg.

“Oh, there we go. Now I can see you,” he cooed. “Look! I think you are happy to see me! I see a little smile.” He bent down and licked my cheek.

I drew back in revulsion.

“Oh come on dear. Don’t act like that,” he smiled.  “It took me so long to find you. You must be so hungry for me. I know that I am for YOU,” he said as he ran his hand along my one of useless legs.

“I was thinking we’d catch up before going to bed. But, I don’t think I can wait. You look so yummy in your robe. I ssssuuuppppoooossssseee we could just do it here and then again later. Time is ours my love.”

I held back my disgust and fear and tried to focus. I had to do something. Anything. God help me.

In a shaking voice, I whispered, “Your right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t of hid.”

“Awe, there is my little kitten. I knew you would come around. Come closer to me.” He pulled me even closer to him and sat down next to me. I could see a gun on his side, tucked in his belt.

I drew my breath in slowly. Keep it together until Rick gets here. “Yes. I’m sorry. Will you let me make it up to you?” I asked as I ran my trembling, empty hand along his cheek.

He paused and closed his eyes at my touch. “Of course, but you will need to make up for a lot kitten. You have been very naughty running away and hiding from me. You know you belong to me,” he slowly replied and opened his eyes.

“Yes. You are right. You have always been right….I am yours. I am sorry,” I lied the best I could.

He stared at me deeply. It was like he was reading me, so I smiled as best I could. “I was just scared. It was just so much emotion, so fast. I guess I couldn’t believe it was true. So I freaked.”

He kept staring, analyzing me. Finally, he replied. “Well then, my love. I guess I can understand that. But we have each other again now,” he cooed as he took some my hair into his hand and pulled my head back to lick my neck. “You better behave kitten.”

“Yes…..yes, I will,” I stammered as he released me.

“Good. Then, let the games begin. How about a real kiss?”

“Yes…a kiss. Of course. But you need to close your eyes and wait. You gave me a bit of a fright, so I need to take a moment to calm down. Close your eyes,” I asked as I reached out with my empty hand again to touch his face. He immediately closed his eyes to reveal in my touch. I traced his nose, eyes lids, forehead slowly. I was stalling for Rick. I was stalling to readjust the wine opener in my hand I was leaning on. I was stalling to find the strength to stab him. I was stalling to live.

As I traced his lips he mumbled, “You are mine Amy. You will NOT leave me again.”

“Yes, you are right. I’m sorry. I was being stupid. Just relax now,” I said as I shifted my position and stared at his face. Now is the time to strike, I thought. “Now stay still and keep your eyes closed. I’m going to kiss you and I want you to really feel it. So no peeking. Just feel it and taste it,” I lied as I caressed his face.

“Be good kitten, or you will regret it,” he threatened me with at glare.

“I will. Just close your eyes silly,” I played and caressed his thigh.

He complied and I kept caressing him to buy time.

“OK, I am going to get closer so I can kiss you. But keep your eyes closed. Oh, and I liked your gift, the wine basket. You remembered my favorite kind. That was so sweet of you,” I whispered slowly.

He smiled.

I repositioned myself as best I could and raised both hands over my head, with the cork spiral pointing down like a knife. I leaned in a little to blow on his face while whispering, “I want you to focus on how it feels, my touch. You’ve waited so long.”

“I have, but I won’t anymore. You will be mine Amy.”

“No. No more waiting. Our time is here and right now,” I said as I slammed the corkscrew into his eye socket with all the strength I could manage.

Immediately he started screaming and fumbling around. “You bitch! You will pay for that!” He ripped the opener out of his eye, and blood started pouring down his face.

I slithered away from him, but he grabbed my foot. My legs were like jello so my attempt at kicking was more like squirming. He pulled me closer, his bloody hands climbing up my body.

“Oh, you are going to be sorry Amy. Reeeeallllllly sorry.”

Just then, Rick burst into the kitchen. “No dickhead. YOU are going to be sorry,” Rick screamed as he pulled my stalker off me and immediately started punching his bloody face.

“He has a gun Rick!”

My stalker knocked Rick to the ground with a kick to the knees. Now, they were both on the floor, rolling in blood, punching, kicking. I looked around for something. Anything. Just then, the pistol hit the tile floor as the men continued to fight. I scurried back towards them on my stomach with all my might, but my head was so fuzzy that I seemed to crawl in slow motion.

Finally, I grabbed the pistol and sat up, leaning against the cupboards. I took the weapon off safe and pointed it at the fighting men. The pistol wavered in the air under my weak arms.

“Rick! Get off him! Rick!” I screamed as loud as I could. But they kept fighting, kicking, punching, rolling. I could hear sirens. Rick must have called the cops.  They were coming to save us. If the courts worked as shitty as the restraining order did, he would be out of jail in a small matter of time, I thought.

“Rick! Stop! The police are coming!” I screamed just as Rick slammed my stalker’s head onto the ground. He groaned but stopped fighting back. Rick stopped and looked up at me.

“Amy, it’s OK. The police are coming. Put down the gun. He can’t hurt you anymore,” Rick said as he crawled across the floor toward me.

I was trembling, still holding the pistol out towards the man who had ruined so much of my life. Now, he lay there bleeding on my kitchen floor. He better die, I thought. But what if he does’t?

With that thought, I didn’t hesitate. I just pointed and pulled the trigger with all the hate I could muster, which was a lot.

“No. He won’t hurt me anymore because there is no chance he will get out of jail now,” I stated as I watched blood pour out of his chest.





To read the first part of the story, click here.

Always with me

I cannot see you

yet I feel you in the wind

like  a fresh memory


Prompt words: fresh & wind.


Those who lost a loved one know that they are never truly gone. They live not only in our hearts but show themselves in our days through the wind, a phrase in a song, the odd behavior of a bird, or merely, the ache in our hearts.

The Adventure into Love

I’ve wandered the streets of Hungry sightseeing alone. I’ve been part of a few combat patrols on deployments. I’ve bungee jumped over shallow water in a foreign country. Yet, my biggest adventure to date has been looking for love.

We all seek it. If someone says they don’t, they are a liar. It’s a basic human need to want to be appreciated, cared for, and touched. It’s in our DNA. Sure, some of us avoid love. But we typically only do that AFTER we have tried love and been hurt.

I can understand that. Heck, I have even done that. It makes sense…for a awhile. If you don’t take the risk, you cannot get hurt. So you don’t talk to people outside of your bubble. You don’t go anywhere without your friends. You don’t make eye contact with strangers. You just stay safe…and alone. I did all of this and more, and it was lonely. I avoided love like it was a shark. It was dangerous. It was scary. And frankly, it was downright, just not worth it cuz love just hurt.

Love Quotes 3

But something changed in me. I got tired of hiding. I got bored of waiting for life to happen. I got tired of being sad. So, I started going out. Not to night clubs or whatever. No. I was too old for that. Plus, I had a daughter attending college in town. How awkward would that be to be out and someone say, “Hey Alexis, isn’t that your mom over there?” That would have been a big MOM FAIL. So no, there were no nightclubs involved.

What I did do though was find life, and in the process, I learned to love me. I went out to movies. I read my book over cocktails before attending the symphony. I tried a paddle board yoga class. I signed up for a kayak trip. I discovered new restaurants. I attempted maneuvering through a mountain bike trail. I wandered into new cities to take pictures. Sure, some of it felt awkward as I sat there by myself while couples seemed to surround me, flaunting their love. Eventually though, I got used to it. At one point, I was comfortable enough to just relax and enjoy the moments. It was ME time. I was trying new things, having fun and discovering life.

Friends would ask me, “How can you do that by yourself?” My response was typically, “Well, if I sit around and wait for someone to invite me, it may never happen. So, I just go and do it.” They would always comment how brave I was. I didn’t feel brave though. I felt alive. I felt like I was awakening from a deep, dark sleep. It was like I had put my dreams and desires on hold. I had forgotten who I was, what I wanted and where I wanted to go. It was invigorating.

With all that said though, I still never stopped wanting love. I’d see a couple somewhere walking hand and hand and feel a touch of sadness. I’d see a man hand his lady a tissue at church and think, Why can’t someone hand me Kleenex? Even though I was having the time of my life and discovering myself, I still craved love. I still longed for someone special.

So I started to take risks. I made eye contact with people. I gave out my number occasionally. I made a profile. I flirted when someone expressed interest. I went on some dates. I entered into various uneasy levels of relationships: we-are-just-friends, not-really-dating, just-hanging-out, friends-with-benefits and boyfriend-girlfriend.

And you know what? It sucked. OH MY GOODNESS, IT SUCKED. Some of it was downright awful and heartbreaking. Just so you have some context, here are a few examples of my dating adventures (some may be the same person as I am a slow learner):

  • One date asked me, in the first hour of our only date (while we were sitting across from each other), “Can I touch your butt?” My response – “How does that work? I am sitting on it right now?”
  • One guy said he’d come over on some holiday…then never showed up.
  • One guy would get jealous of my time with my children.
  • One blast-from-the-past flirted with me for months and invited me to come visit him. So I did. Then he just stopped talking to me. When I asked why the sudden change of behavior, all I got was, “Well, I guess we talked a lot before because we were catching up.” I guess my purchase of a flight got us all caught up. No need to carry on. Silly me.
  • One guy told me he loved me and then stopped making an effort to see me with no explanation after several months of talking and visits.
  • One guy threatened to kill himself when we broke up.
  • One guy forgot the difference between the separated-and-divorce-pending status and the still-married-and-no-damn-paperwork-even-stated status.
  • One guy text me relentlessly and would get upset if I didn’t answer right away…even if I was at work or a movie with my kids.
  • One guy broke up with me via text while I was at my mother’s funeral weekend at home because he was “tired of begging for my attention.”

I think you get the point. It is a crazy damn place out there in the dating world. I saw a hilarious video recently that summed it quite well.

Bravo Miss Arbuor! You explained it perfectly, and with such humor. Consider me a fan and follower.

Now comes the weird part though, I still don’t regret it – any of it. Sure yeah, I wish I could have avoided crying on my bathroom floor like I was in an episode of a Hallmark movie where I was literally dying of a broken heart. And by all means, I certainly would not want to relive the conflicted emotions of whether I was talking an ex-boyfriend out of suicide or putting myself in the perfect place for a murder-suicide scene. Yeah, I would change those details if I could. But the fact is, I can’t. And even though some of those things sucked big time, there were other moments of fun, and lessons learned. I took something from each relationship, each experience. I became a better person. For example, through all this dating craziness, I —

  • Started blogging.
  • Got more involved in my photography.
  • Learned to say no.
  • Realized my worth.
  • Refused to be a victim.
  • Got the courage to try new things.
  • Developed more confidence.
  • Learned to trust my gut instincts.
  • Traveled to new places.

Overall, I learned to love me first. And frankly, I truly believe this: If you can’t love yourself, how can you expect others to? So I kept doing what I wanted and kept playing in the game of love when an opportunity popped up. And you know what? It eventually stuck, but that is another story, or should I say, a blind-date fairytale. Whatever you call it, it has almost been a year since I met the man of my dreams and I am glad I took the risk in the adventure of love.



For the Daily Post’s Discover Challenge ~ Adventure


Writers Quote Wednesday Writing Challenge ~ Adventure