It has taken me most of my life to learn this lesson sadly. Countless times I thought if I just did this or that, someone would like me. If I could just be more…they would love me. I could never do enough though, and I always felt it was my defect that caused it.
With age and wisdom, I have realized, it wasn’t always my fault when a relationship didn’t blossom, whether intimate or friend. Sometimes, it just didn’t work. Plain and simple. They didn’t do anything and I didn’t do anything. It just didn’t click. Or, sometimes, I just tried too hard to please. I gave too much, too fast and the person surely got overwhelmed.
That’s the thing though. I am an all or nothing kind of girl. I either like you or don’t. I am your friend or not. I never thought I was wasting my time on people. I was giving them my all. I wanted to be their friend. I desired to be their girlfriend. If I felt a connection, I ran with it. The problem, in hind sight, was that they were not running in the same direction or speed. It was those moments when I looked around and found myself alone and hurt-wondering what I did.
Years and tears later, my more confident self is assured, it has all worked out for the best. I have had experiences that have made me smile deep into my heart and others that have made me cry out my soul. It is the roller coaster of life and I am happy to ride it. I just refuse to ride it with anyone not going in the same direction anymore.
“You cannot convince people to love you.
This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love
because you want him or her to give it.
Real love moves freely in both directions.
Don’t waste your time on anything else.”
~ Cheryl Strayed~